Wednesday, January 18, 2017


I was wondering, I think,I never stop wondering when it comes to you. I don't know how or why, you keep me thinking and wonder about you, too much. I'm sure it's not a drugs, but why? As if you're playing magic. Tell me, what does it takes to make that feeling go? I like you, but it wasn't enough to love you as a man. I have him, it's not like his a substitute to you. Never once i want to consider him in that manner. What was it with you? You act like you regret and suddenly ignore me as if I'm chasing your shadow? I remember you told me once, when you say you gave me a better one, Indeed you did, he is one in a billion. Tell me, I really wanted to stay away from you. It's feel irritating to me, believe me. I couldn't figure you out, in fact I can't figure you out. What are you, who are you? Your surrounding, i guest they never bother you, didn't they? You're not so special, you're just like any other ordinary lonely guy. I suppose that is the best way that I can describe you. The history that we had before, but I guest you wouldn't call it that way. There was never a thing between us, we never cross that line as a friend. But somehow, your behavior, it was attached to me. How relax you are about life, about how you aged, Maybe you're been there quite some time, but i wanted to let go. I appreciated all the memories, but i don't want them to hunt me like I had something from you when I don't. I wanna let go, because I don't love you like how I love him. Two years, and I want to grow old with him. I may saw you first, but I found comfort and love in him. No, not you, never was you. Thank you for everything, but you're not in my picture, like how I am not in yours too. We need to wake up, but I think that words only meant for me. What are we doing wondering like this when we know we are best being apart? Tell me, what are you trying to show me? Enough with hypnotizing me. I had enough.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

A small gift

I didn't want to blame anyone,because I'm tired of blaming. I didn't steal I just need his attention. I never thought that I will love because I was broken hearted before. I have no hope and dreams anymore before I met him. He gave me strength to carry on, he is a gift,a hope that I get from God. GOD have mercy, so he send me a hero. I promise I love him more than my life. Just keep him safe and sound. Please

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Being Here

Everything is here
But I keep my eyes shut
You are the greatest gift that I ever receive
Yet I desire more
Smile could be enough
But I want joy of laughter
Happiness could jeopardize sadness
Yet I pretend that it's not
Being one of the person that care for him is the most honorable act
But I need to be more that that
You know about it
You feel it too
Yet you pretend
I want you to know it
I need you to understand
But I scare that I'll lose you
Can't you see?
I need you, being just here...

Monday, March 23, 2009

I am Me

I realize that all I have to do is to smile

I realize that all I need is to let it go
I realize that all I have to think is about greatness 
I realize that I am what I am

I don't need to follow no one in my life
I don't need to feel down when they look down on me
I don't have to feel bad about myself they way they feel to me
I know myself better than they are

They had no right to tell me that I can't
They can't do exactly what I want but I can
They didn't have to believe now but they will accept it in the future
They soon will recognize me

For I have made a Vow that only Death can break it apart
For I am Me!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Just a simple word that I can say

Just a simple word that I can say I search the entire world So I can find the right word for You I tried too many things So I can prove to You my loyalty But after all that I have done I forget that No matter who I am No matter what I am No matter where I am You will always there to receive me Jesus How big was Your love Big enough till’ You gave your life Jesus I wanted to say this just for you The world that You used to teach mankind Jesus I love you for the rest of my life just a simple word that I can say

Monday, December 1, 2008

It feels great!

I convince myself not to fall in love with someone again until I reach 23. That was a lie even though I know I really wish I won’t fall, but if God want me to feel it all over again then I will feel it. I’m really happy that I could feel it just one more time, at least I didn’t forgot how to miss someone, how to be called someone special girlfriend. Well guess it didn’t went far, no love stand forever than God love. I always keep that with me in this journey to be with Him, I know even if this whole world betray me, He will never leave me aside, let me suffer alone, or even let me cry alone. I know He will always stay by my side, I never doubt about it. Thinking about it made me such a happy person, and you want to know what, it feels great! It was fun to be love by a human being but to be love by Him and learn to love and understand Him, that’s feel great. I never feel this happy when I know to be able to understand everything that He intended to do was just beautiful and great. Just why do we still keep looking for somebody to love and wait for that love reply, the reply with thousands of doubt, millions of worries and billions of uncertainty? I also didn’t understand why I have this desire too, to find someone to be my companion, which I know I will apply these thousands of doubt, millions of worries and billions of uncertainty in him. I wish I know what love really are, and if I know about it then I will surely won’t hurt him and nobody will get hurt. Just to know that I’ve learn many thing from every situation that He want me to be, really have made me feel more alive and I just want to say it again, it really had made me feel great. This feeling is like a sad song in a wedding day, I am really sad that the guy that I like leave me but at the same time I had just one more loyal companion and I am 100% sure that he will never leave me. Can anyone realize about it at all? Keep the faith and love for Him growth within you as you growth to be someone that can spread the faith and love from Him to others. Once again, it really feels great!

Just for you

I don’t know why I get so emotional when I hear that song (Kerinduanku-Franky Sihombing). That song really resemble everything what you have said to me every time we talk. It’s like we walk to understand batter what we really want and need. I really want to tell you how disappointed I am for you to say that it’s great to be in a complicated situation, I just wish that someone could know and hear how disappointed I am for that. I really wish that I could tell you but I just don’t have that courage to tell you, it’s because I don’t want you to feel the pain I am in, only God can tell how I was hurt and down that day, I just cannot think, I cannot feel anything, I’m numb. All I wanted to do is cry but I just can’t let it out because I know people will talk how stupid I am and how idiot I will be, I just don’t want it to be like you to blame because this came from me. I just can’t seem to talk about it anymore because it hurt me too much and I don’t want to talk about it no more. But I know, no matter how hard I try to keep it inside or I pretend like there is nothing to be sad of, it just keep bleeding. But don’t worry I’ll get over it and I hope soon, because I don’t want you to worry about me. I want you to know that I will always be here and I’ll be waiting for you.